Unteachable?

Redline

Redline

Member
Is there such as a thing as someone incapable of learning to drive a car with a manual shift transmission?

I'm talking about my wife - she's not a clumsy or poorly coordinated person, but she's certainly down on herself more often than not... especially when it comes to learning.

I'd like to get her to learn MT, but every time I bring it up, the conversation ends up becoming an arguement and her telling me I don't "get it" and that I'm pushing her to do something she is "incapable of doing" (her words).

I think she's just convinced herself that she cannot do it. She's psyched herself out by thinking too far ahead of what she needs to do. For instance, she's worried about hills and stop signs, panic braking etc... and she hasn't gotten past putting the car into first gear in a parking lot.

So my question is... is this just a case of willpower versus ability, or is this a lost cause that I should just leave alone for the rest of my life?

And before people say "just get her an auto and be done with it"... I can't. Money is tight and the last 3 auto's we've owned had issues with their transmissions. I won't sell my 1996 because it has been hands-down the most reliable car I have ever owned. It's got a low cost of ownership, and it'd be stupid to get rid of it. We have to operate off 1 vehicle. Period.

One last thing: it doesn't matter WHO I propose to teach her. I've suggested friends, family, etc. and she says the same thing each time " I CAN'T LEARN!!!"

 
She just doesn't want to learn. There's plenty of people in the world that refuse to learn things everyday.
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Even helen keller was capable of driving a stick. You just have to want to

 
Yeah, she definitely can do it ... it's just a matter of doing it to learn. If she won't do it, she can't learn to do it better. I did my 5spd swap into the Raven and previous to that, I had only driven a standard on few occasions. I tell you what ... that first month after the swap, I wish I had never did it ... if it wasn't such a process, I might have even swapped the auto back in.

After that however, I got the hang of it and I'm so glad I did it. Now I have the Bee with a standard and anytime I get into an auto car to drive it I feel lost (and usually step on the brake before I get going, looking for the clutch)
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I won't lie, I'm still not the greatest at shifting, but I do think I get a little better everyday that I drive. She CAN learn it, but like I said ... she has to DO it to get better!

Is she actually TRYING and saying she doesn't get it? I've begun to teach two different people (and I'll probably teach my other brother and sister as well at some point) and I've found that EXPLAINING exactly what is going on with the clutch ... what it does/how it works BEFOREHAND ... it seems to help them understand what they need to adjust to make it work, rather than just doing it without knowing what the hell that extra pedal really does except make driving more difficult.

I'm sure you have, but explain how you don't want to have to have another faulty auto and that a 5spd would be cheaper ... tell her that you'll take her when she's ready to try and to let you know. I definitely feel that teaching her how the clutch/tranny/motor works will probably help tho. It worked for my two students!! Good luck!
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how about starting out with some other vehicle w/clutch n shiftors? lawn tractor, ATV etc. lower risk factor to the good DD, also maybe more fun for her (plus you get the lawn mowed) def a big relationship risk teaching spousal units about stick-shift stuff. find somebody else to teach her, or else you will suffer.

 
Take it from someone who`s been married a looong time. If she doesn`t feel comfortable about learning to drive a stick right now DO NOT PUSH HER it could put a strain on your marriage.
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Take it from someone who`s been married a looong time. If she doesn`t feel comfortable about learning to drive a stick right now DO NOT PUSH HER it could put a strain on your marriage.
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yeah get one of UR friends to teach her so it doesn't effect U...

 
Basically, the only time she's ever got behind the wheel of my car, she popped the clutch and the car bucked back and forth. She didn't give it gas so it kept doing that stop/go/stop/go thing all by itself and it stalled. I chuckled and explained to her what happened, but she had enough right after that. She gave it a few more tries and then threw her hands in the air and called it off.

I'd start off with something more simple, if I had something more simple. I don't have any relatives that have a riding mower
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or MT ATV's or the like.
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I've tried what Pedro suggested: "Honey, Pedro offered to let you learn on the Miata, and he or Mrs. Pedro would teach you to do it." The look she gave said it all, but she still said "I've told you, I can't learn to drive a standard!"

So yes, in the end, it's about not wanting to learn. I know I can't make her want to learn... but besides being patient, what else can I do. It's really getting hard to keep up with 2 jobs, laundry, shopping and being Mr. Taxi.

 
this needs some militant basic training.
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find an old 3 on the tree. be sure the bushings are sloppy...and force her to drive it to get where she wants.

the new 5 speed wil be a cadillac in disguise.
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LOL. Epic.

I've even tried getting her to use the bus - with 2 very small children it's not the "right solution".

 
I will tell you that there is no way she CAN'T learn.

My wife learned because she wanted the Gli and it looked stupid with the Auto. She learned the hard stuff on a couple test drive cars, and the fine tuning the week she bough the car.

The first thing in the order of teaching is not shifting or any of the hill start ****. That is the easy stuff and is very straight forward when you learn the basics.

There is ONE thing that you can teach her that will get you further than anything else. CLUTCH CONTROL. that's it. once you have that the rest is just flipping levers and driving like normal.

The easiest way to start out is in a flat parking lot. with the car running get her in the drivers seat. Explain that the right foot needs to do nothing different than regular driving when operating a manual transmission. Next have her push the clutch all the way in, and YOU put it in 1st.

without touching the gas get her to move the car forward SLOWLY. this will take a while and it will involve a few stalls. Once she has this down adding in the application of throttle and shifting is easy.

I have taught my wife, sister, and a few friends how to drive stick with this method. all you are really doing is stripping the whole process down to parts.

Think of it this way, you are teaching her to do hurtles, but she needs to learn to walk first.

But ANYBODY can do it.

good luck man!

 
And I agree with the whole thing. I admit that my first mistake was probably not teaching her correctly in the first place (or more like "attempting" to teach her).

I'm not sure if there will ever be a second try. She just won't even let me get past "Manual Tra...." without giving me a glare.

Sigh.

 
maybe just put the ball in her court...

Tell her U beleive in her and know she can do it... explain to her what a crappy teacher U are and how impatient U can get becasue U already know how it is done.... Tell her when she is ready to ask for a brief explanation of the mechanics, the car keys then WALK AWAY.

Maybe just maybe she will learn it when she feels it is time, is ready to conquer it and has no one around to give her the perception of "Pressure to perform"...

Maybe this is a puzzle she will need to solve on her own in her own time...

 
Maybe a change of scenery would help. I can let you know when my uncle finishes haying his fields

 
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